Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize