Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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