i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
