I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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