I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
