I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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