My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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