it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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