but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
