Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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