Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
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