Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
