I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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