My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
