White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
