So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
