Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
