mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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