I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
