I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize