It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
