My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
