Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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