I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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