Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(914): View more from New York

saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska

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(328): View more from

im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?

(1-328): View more from

anal.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever

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(275): View more from

And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story

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(248): View more from Michigan

I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.

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