I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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