1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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