just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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