I'm so fucking centered right now
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
50% drunk capacity currently
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
