Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
