Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
