I think I just saw someone hide a body.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
