? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
