In the future we'll all be gay
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
