kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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