I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
one two three fourrrrnication!
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize