I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
