I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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