walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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