dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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