we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
