Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
