the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
