The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
