Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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