honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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