So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
