TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
