I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I fill condoms, not promises.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
