i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
