Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
