looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize