I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
