I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize