you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
