We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize