I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
