You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
