It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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