she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
