I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
