She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
