What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
