i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
