finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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