Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
