dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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