farters have to be the big spoon...
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
