I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Do you still have your period?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
