If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
