do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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