She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
