He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
just tell him i said nine months
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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