He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
