wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
