There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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