the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
