Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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