:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
