I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
