HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize