he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
