Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
