She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
...so i touched it.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize