yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
