Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
